Told them I had a dentist appointment this morning and slept in. Had that first porridge-thick cup of coffee at 13:00, not 8:30, so I gots my buzz on now, and there's a decent song on iTunes, and only two more hour of labor for today, which is a mild one for late-winter Asia.

How To Improve My Office Productivity

1) Blow-job Teams. I can't believe no one's thought of this. They come around, tap you on the shoulder at your workstation, and ask whether oral attention would, ah, unh, gratify you. That'd be cool, no? Who's doing it? Good question. Not the homo in Division Three, the one who, in your third month, asked you how to translate "erotic" from Chinese. The girl with big eyes from Division Two, for sure; maybe that one from the bank downstairs.

2) Sedation Teams. I can't believe no one's thought of this. They sneak up and plunge a syringe full of seconol into the back of your neck. You turn to object, but as you speak, darkness crowds from the edges of your vision. You slip out of your chair, into the dust and cockroach eggs on the floor beneath your desk. You're woken hours or days later by the blow-job team, who suggest Italian food and a few blow jobs.